God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
