Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
