People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
