I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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