I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
