Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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