Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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