Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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