i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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