You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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