I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
