Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Two words: nipple clamps
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