that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
