So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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