Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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