my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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