We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
