Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
