You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
