she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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