Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
