he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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