Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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