??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
