I have demons in me.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
