you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
