I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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