My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
