did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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