I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
