Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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