To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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