also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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