yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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