just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
