i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
