Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
