If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
