Porn is love you can see.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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