she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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