I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
