If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
