Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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