this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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