Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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