marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
