Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
