I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
