Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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