Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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