What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
