went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just cropdusted the office
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
