you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
