All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
