if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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